Expectations

I have always had this theory to keep expectations low or to be precise, to zero.
This way, you can avoid hurting yourself..
I know expecting is a way of self torture.. When you expect something out of a person and it isn't fulfilled, you feel bad. So the easy way out is, don’t expect. If the other person does something for you going out of his/her way, take it as a bonus.
Few days back, I was having a conversation with this friend of mine which got me into thinking mode (yeah, I know in a long time though).
She says, you may pretend to not expect, but it is human to expect and if you say, you don't expect, it is not being modest; rather you are escaping the truth.
I kept thinking over it and then finally reached the conclusion, she is right.
Any person who is close to you, may it be your parents, siblings, best friends, or a special one, you tend to do things for them even if you have to trouble yourself or go through terrible inconvenience, you do, it is because you want to.
And you want them to do things for you the same way. You want them to be there for you in the moments of distress. This may and may not be in return of what you do for them. It hurts you if they are unable to make it on time for you.
You may ignore it for once, but something’s you are incapable of letting go. At times, you start listing down the times you have been there for them and things you did for them and the times they weren't there for you.
You may not convey it to them, you may conceal that you are feeling bad but doesn't it get suffocating at times? It does. Blood relations kept aside, it starts driving you away from them. And if you convey it to them, this might result in a disagreement and sometimes frictions.

Expectations are confusing in themselves.

Deep down, we all have expectations. We just learn to suppress them. For once this may be convenient. But in the end, they bind you with your loved ones.

unreserved realizations

     The other day I was travelling by the general coach of a train. It was around 8.30 in the evening and the coach was a little crowded. Since there were no vacant seats, I was standing. There was this baby girl, around one and a half years or two years of age busy playing and strolling around the coach. Her mother, who was sitting was having a hard time in making the baby sit on her lap. She was a hyperactive kid and wouldn’t listen to her mother. This kid had a milk bottle in her hand and was running around the coach as she would do in her own home. Meanwhile, all the people in the coach were having a nice time watching the baby’s antics. Since she was a little kid who had probably just learnt how to walk, she tended to lose balance whenever the train stopped or moved and there wasn’t a single person on the aisle that hadn’t held her to prevent her from falling. She had become the star of the coach! I, on my part, was just watching the whole thing and didn’t try to hold her even once coz I knew the other people standing next to me would anyway do it. May be the reason behind my apparent lack of interest was the fact that I was not in a good mood that day, so I simply avoided the baby though I did smile at few of her actions.

     Suddenly the baby went towards one side and started touching and tried to explore some random technical black component on the side of the coach. An aunty who was delighted with this act of hers, commented to her mother, “Badi hokar technician banegi” (She’ll grow up to be a technician). I almost wanted to tell that aunty to spare her from the adult world ideologies of what’s right for the kid. For Chrissake, she’s just a toddler. Why can’t these people keep their unsolicited suggestions to themselves and just let the kids do their own thing? Will they never learn? ‘N’ number of movies have been made on the subject, but they’ll never stop imposing their views, even if the kid has just barely learnt how to talk. 

     In the meantime, I got a seat right opposite her mother and was watching the whole thing. All this while, the baby had failed to notice me. Then it happened! The baby looked at me and then at my hands. She looked intently for about 15 seconds and then came running towards me. It then occurred to me that she had taken a fancy for my phone, which is nothing but a poor old Nokia 2600. Though it looks just about fine, the phone is so battered that I’ve to keep it’s body tied with a rubber band to avoid the parts from falling off (Yeah, I’ve never found out the time to repair the damn thing!). Mind you, there were much better hi-tech cell phones in the hands of other people inside that coach, but this little girl, who till this time was happy in her own world, playing, running around, shaking that milk bottle in her hand, laughing and making the women in the coach laugh along with her had to get enamored by my tattered phone! She tried to take the phone from me, obviously expecting that I’ll give it happily to her. But deep inside my mind, I was wondering what made the little thing fall for my phone. Was it the green colored rubber band tied around it? Every other person’s eyes were on me. The coach was silent. The girl who was the star till now made the spotlight turn to me. My mind raced in those few seconds: should I give it to her or not was the question. Moreover, I had to get down at the next station. With little time left with me and the baby on the verge of crying seeing my not-so-favorable response, I was in a fix! I finally decided not to give it in her hands but let her touch the thing. But can that satisfy a baby? No.! A baby likes to possess the thing that catches her fancy. They love to take it in their own hands, touch it, smell it, taste it, twist it and after getting the hang of it, throw it. That’s their psychology.

     And here she was surprised by my attitude (obviously, she was used to adults giving in to her demands), she tried to snatch it from me once, twice, thrice, but the only thing I let her do was touch the phone. I was conscious of the many eyes on me and was confused whether I was doing the right thing. How was I to know that out of all the people present there, she’ll come and make me the center of attraction?

     Then she did what kids her age are best at- she.started.crying. Infact, she howled and went up to her mother making a complaining face. I was embarrassed. I never wanted her to cry and had tried my best (in that limited time) to do what was best, for me and her! Almost by reverse reaction, I gave the phone in her hands but people around said she may drop it off, so her mother gave it back to me. I hid it under my bag and tried to show her that it vanished into thin air (You got to behave like a kid with kids!) But as if mocking me she cried even more loudly. I was feeling bad for inadvertently being made the reason behind her crying. Inane it may sound, but wasn’t the kid happy all this while till she laid her eyes on the stupid phone?  I looked around to see the reaction of others: some smiled, some empathized, some let out a sigh, and some sat expressionless.

     Her mother was consoling the kid by telling her that the phone actually did vanish and that it no longer existed in my hands. I on my part was showing her my empty hands, hoping this would silence the kid. It then occurred to me that the train had halted at my station. In the melee, I had completely forgotten that this was the station I had to get down at. I rushed out picking up my bag and the phone, almost running in daze with questions looming in my head-

     Was the mother thinking that her cheerful kid had to cry coz of some random stranger? What was so special about the phone that caught her attention when there were better looking and colorful phones around in other hands? Did the green rubber band make it look so special in her eyes? Did I do the right thing? Should I have given the phone to her to play? But I had to alight at the next station! What were the other people thinking? Why would anyone think anything? However funny it may sound, out of all the people present in the coach, wasn't I made the scapegoat and that too by a baby?

Then realization dawned:

1.      People don’t think about you, as much as you think they do. Most of the time, they are busy and concerned only with themselves.

2.      You are not that important to others (read: people who don’t know you/strangers/random people you travel with on public transport).

3.      Kids are like that: they’ll cry at the drop of a hat. You don’t have to feel sorry for yourself if they cried in your presence coz of you. They just need a reason sometimes. That isn’t a deciding factor whether you’ll be good or miserable with them when the situation arises.

4.      The adults will never stop forcing career decisions on kids, no matter what their age is. They may even forecast it the moment they are born.

5.      You tend to over-estimate yourself sometimes and imagine others noticing and judging you. In reality, it doesn’t happen.

And the last one:

6.      You have to be really jobless to write such a long post on a trivial incident like this and jot down lessons learned from it.

Ah! Only kids can get their way around anything.

dilemma

Getting drenched by the evening rain, he thought of spending some time alone at the roof. But those cold winds made him realize that the rains were whispering to him and he jotted down these lines.......

Into Thin Air

that one night
when you'll run to me
finally

with the hope
of being held
in once outstretched arms

you'll notice
a whiff of my perfume
in the air

and clutch at
the emptiness
'cos I'll be gone.

             But now, he was in a dilemma. The question he asked again and again was a much bigger dilemma.

After having sailed into the sea of his "so-called" strong relation, he realized, that it was time he opened his eyes to reality. He had immense faith on his own ability to carry on with his love as well as on her. It was a dream come true when he had found her. They had been madly in love with each other. There was not one thing on earth when they felt that it was not meant to be. They were on cloud nine, until now. The more the time went by, the more he had a notion that things were not "so" bright now. Although she constantly reminded him of how much she loved her and how much she wanted to be with him, he still could not come to terms with her. 
She was not much expressive with her feelings for him. It was just that she somehow managed to get through. Maybe he expected a lot from her, but she could hardly come up to the mark. This made him mad. He could not handle the relation anymore. He constantly reminded her of what was she like in the very beginning. But she, in the spirit of being more mature, or whatever was it, paid less heed to what he felt. They were an awesome pair, no one like them. But, something somewhere was amiss. He felt that something was still missing. He could do anything to repair the damage, if ever there was one. On the other hand, she did not feel different about anything. Everything was the same for her. She could never realize that if she did not pay attention to him, things would not be the same ever. Time was running out. It was now or never. 
Something had to be done, but what? He could not decide what to do to make her come back to him, if at all she had gone. Was he hallucinating??? Or was it for real?? Does it happen to everyone, was all he could think. Why is it happening to me, was what he often felt. His happiness knew no bounds when he found her. The more he spoke to her, the more he had a reason to survive. His sole aim was 'to be' with his love. He wanted to reach his destination, to climb the mountain peak, where serenity resided. 
He often felt that he loved her much more than she loved him. He also felt that she was never in love with him. He knew it was not true, still something troubled him. He didn't know what, but he still knew. Sometimes he felt that putting an end to his sweet relation would be the right choice. But, he could not let himself come to it. Something stopped him from doing so. He could not bear the pain of estrangement. Mere the thought of it made him cry for hours together. Maybe what he wanted was too far away to happen. 
If only she understood her well and properly, could things be in place again. If only she gave him the kind of love and attention that he required, could they have been together today. But, as luck would have it, her indifference to his feelings and being in her own world was what kept him worried. He knew it well that such an attitude was not going to keep them together. His dilemma was taking his senses away. He was dying gradually. He needed to be with her. If only she knew.......if only she felt the same as him..........if only.......

INCEPTION Explained

This post must be read only if you’ve already seen the movie INCEPTION. It is advised not to read ahead if you’ve not seen the movie.

“INCEPTION” EXPLAINED

           A mind-teaser of a movie that raises more questions than it answers. Here is my attempt to make the movie easier to understand before you go for another viewing.

            So, did you completely unravel the meaning and mindscape of Christopher Nolan’s Inception? Not many of you, am sure. It isn’t for nothing that this film is being described by viewers, critics, theorists and scientists, as the biggest mind-f**k of the century.

Teaser 1:       The biggest trick that Christopher Nolan plays on the mind of the viewer hinges in the spinning of his totem. As Cobb explains early in the film, you can only distinguish Dream from Reality on the basis of the totem’s motion. If it stops, you are in the Real World and vice-versa.

Teaser 2:       Cobb’s ring appears in Dream sequences and disappears when he is kicked backed into Reality. In the last scene, the totem may be still spinning, but there is no ring on his finger, as he moves forward to meet his two children, James and Phillipa, who incidentally haven’t aged at all despite a considerable time span. Hence the confusion: Was the whole film Inception a Dream or a Reality..??

There are several theories on the possible interpretations of Inception. Some of the most interesting ones are:

Theory 1:      Cobb was just an ordinary passenger who dreamt up Inception on a 10-hour flight back home. And when the flight landed, he walked off, like any other regular guy who returns home to his kids after a business trip. CRAZY! But possible!

 Theory 2:     Ariadne (Ellen Page), not Cobb, was the Head Shrink. She had been hired by Cobb’s Father-in-law, Miles (Michael Caine) to cure him of his guilt complex. According to this theory, Cobb, Inmate # 528491 (the number that Fischer gives as the password to his father’s safe, and the number of the hotel rooms) of a mental asylum, held himself responsible for his wife, Mal (Marion Cottilard)’s death and Miles sent his favorite student to lead the Inception and plant the idea in Cobb’s head that his dream wife is dead and he should move on.

Other prominent mind tricks:

·        Who dreamt the final snow fortress dream? Was it Eames or Fischer?

                        While most of the viewers and critics would attribute the snow fortress dream to Eames, actor Dilip Rao, who played the Chemist, says it was actually Fischer who dreamt up the final sequence.

·        Traditional explanation is as follows:

                        Level 1: With the van, was dreamed by Yusuf (Dilip Rao).

                        Level 2: The hotel was dreamed by Arthur (Joseph Gordon Levitt).

                        Level 3: The snow fortress was dreamed by Eames (Tom Hardy).

                        Final Level: Was dreamed by no one, since it’s a place of shared consciousness.

·        Did Cobb and Mal grow old together in Reality or did Mal die young?

It seems that they actually did grow old together and Cobb’s memory of their youth is a fantasy. Why?? Because when Cobb tells Ariadne the final story of they escaped the limbo, the clasped hands of Mal and Cobb on the road tracks appear old and wrinkled, just as they both are when we see them walking through the city while Cobb talks about them growing old together. The youthful version could be part of the delusion Cobb constructed which was visited by Ariadne. Of course, that’s the optimists’ version too.

·        Then why did Cobb have to perform inception of Mal?

Cobb and Mal were trapped in limbo for 50 years. When Cobb realized they were living in an unreal world, he wanted to return and perform inception on Mal, telling her the world was not Real. They killed themselves in limbo to return to the Real world. Unfortunately the inception lingered and Mal continued to believe that Reality was a delusion too.

·        Why couldn’t Saito be saved like Fischer who was resuscitated by a defibrillator in Level 3?

Saito was shot on the 1^st Level and died on the 3^rd. He would only have reached Level 2 if he was resuscitated. But this wouldn’t have helped since he was still dying there. Fischer was shot on Level 3 but his body on the previous levels was still fine. The defibrillator and the kicks were enough to bring him back.

·        Where’s the hurtling freight train in the street coming from?

Two explanations for this: It could either be Fischer’s sub-conscious trying to protect itself from the extractors or Cobb’s sub-conscious which unintentionally focuses on the train that kicked back Cobb and Mal into the Real world from the limbo.

The Angel

I stepped into the Volvo, Route Number 333E really tired from working the whole day at the Institute. Fortunately the bus had only four passengers and I took a window seat and dozed off. A hard brake by the driver woke me and I opened my eyes to see an Angel sitting beside me. I immediately got conscious and straightened.
I sat there trying to look at her from the side of my eyes so as not to make her conscious of my stares. She had two tattoos, a star and a smiley at the back of her hand. Her every activity and movement would make me adore her even more. Then the bus stopped at a red light and she looked at the traffic light and said “green boy”. I said “yes and see there is a red boy over there”. I asked her if she knew what a red boy and a green boy meant. She didn’t, so I explained it to her and this is how the ice broke and we started talking.
I asked her what her name was and she said “Ananyaaaaaaaaaaa”. I asked her if she went to school, “yes”, she said, “I go to Vagdevi Vilas School as Vibgyor High is closed and I also go to Casio and drawing classes”. I asked her what she likes most she said she liked Casio.
Then I asked her what her age was she said she is 4 years old and she has 4 pink dresses and 4 blue dresses and that pink was her favourite colour. A song from 3 Idiots was playing on the radio. I asked her if she had watched the movie she said yes. I asked her who her favourite hero was she said no one they are all che che and then I asked her if she had a favourite heroine she said no she just likes songs. I asked her which song she likes she said Gimme some sunshine and Desi Girl.
We reached another traffic light and she said she knew a song on this too and started singing a nursery rhyme on the same and I joined in. Then we sang Twinkle Twinkle.. and then 1-2 Buckle My Shoes.. She didn’t know Chubby Cheeks.. So I taught her that one. And the whole bus was watching a 4 year old Angel and an almost 24 year old guy singing nursery rhymes at the top of their voice.
Then I asked her if she liked cricket she said yes. I asked her if you are going to watch India’s match. She said she doesn’t like India she likes Chennai. I was surprised that a Gujju girl living in Bangalore liking Chennai. I thought it might be the Dhoni effect. I asked her “don’t u like Bangalore?” “No.” “Why?” “Oh Chennai is so big” she replied. I was amused. I asked her isn’t Bangalore big too. She said "No the map of Bangalore is so small but the map of Chennai is really big". I guess someone should suggest B.S. Yeddyurappa to make larger map for Bangalore. Would make him more popular.

We followed it up with talks about food. She said she is a vegetarian and she doesn’t eat ganda ganda non-veg like fish chicken and DOG. She loved Pani Puri ssslllllllluurrrrrrrrrrpppppp. And her grand-ma had made it for her today.
I asked her about her tattoo’s she said her ma’m made them for her as she was a good girl. I said I thought u were a bad boy. She said she is not a boy she has long hair. I asked her if she was a good girl or a very good girl.. obviously a very good girl then I suggested asking her ma’m to give two stars and two smileys she said she didn’t want two as that would spoil her hand and it won’t look good. 
Then she said “u know what, my mom’s name is Smita, my ma’m’s name is Smita and my friend is also named Smita and my friend in dancing class is also named Smita. Isn’t it funny?”
Then it was the time for her to leave she got down with her mum and left.. But I was really excited when she looked back to wave me a goodbye. She was an Angel and she had made my day..

The Bliss of Ice Cream..!!

God must hav bin in a particularly bad mood wen he made the Indian Summer... and a particularly good one wen he invented the ICE-CREAM..!!

Well, maybe he dint actually invent it, bt it sure does feel tht way.. Especially for someone who comes frm Gujarat, ice cream is a kind of religion of which kesar pista is d ruling diety. For ice cream is d almost perfect form of bliss tht no amount of cynicism of today's world can dent. Eating ice cream is lyk an act of surrender-we relinquish control over our senses and a desire to shape the world. 

 We lose 5 mins of our existence every time we get a cup, for in tht time we r our slaves frm d world we live in & inhabit one where pleasure runs barefoot..!! Ice cream allows for nuthing intellectual, nuthing self-conscious n nuthin negative. Ice cream slows time; d world takes on d dreamy quality of slow motion sound. We r addled into benevolence; d world luks lyk a gud place... as a frnd of mine once remarked, "Hav u ever seen a villain eating ice cream?"

Ice cream is an intermediate form – it is a solid, which is infact a contained liquid; it is d warmth of our mouth tht makes something frozen n hard, lush n liquid. We savour d slow death of d solid n d exquisite birth of d liquid as d pleasure paint, tht is ice cream, fills our mouth. No wonder ice cream is d favorite comfort food – heartbreak inHollywood is signified routinely by d woman diving into those impossibly large cans of ice cream. It provides comfort coz it fills up in a way tht leaves no room for thought. Ice ceam consumes us even as we consume it.

Its d fate of all creamy things to be considered “sinful” n ice cream is no exception. Pour some hot chocolate sauce and ice cream bcomes an experience is sinful profusion.  Ice cream makes us all go back to being 5 yrs old n feel deeply nostalgic about the simplicity n purity of earlier times. Growing up in middle class India meant tht ice cream wuz an occasional treat to be savoured in d full.. the wooden spoon wud hit d paper bottom time n again as we scraped out every single drop of wet ice cream tht we were firmly convinced, still remained in d cup. D bell of d ice cream man wuz lyk a distant sound of hope as we opened negotiations wid our parents (only if its Kwality, sometimes dey wud deign to say). And once in a while, we managed to get a slice of tht mythical 3 layered treat called Cassata; d epitome of everythin impossibly indulgent.

                         And who can forget the ice cream cone, especially d softy..?? D softy is perhaps d most romantic form of ice cream as it is designed to for us to take it in our hand n proceed to make love to our mouths. D softy makes d ice cream an extension of ourselves as we launch ourselves into d ice cream n lose our tongue n hearts to it.

Vanilla remains d favorite ice cream flavor coz it captures its essence best. It is white, smells of luxurious escape n is something one can sink languidly into. The taste of vanilla is a hint, a whiff tht d mind does not need to work hard to process. Vanilla elevates ice cream frm being dairy product  into something more refined. It doesn’t matter how much u serve it – even d thick unappetizing slabs we r served at weddings transform into something heavenly once it enters our mouth.

                                              In a world tht is bcoming faster day by day, ice cream is d slowest food there is; u cannot gulp it down in a hurry. While we r eating ice cream, we know tht everything else is trivial… Maybe, we shud b eating a lot more of it.. wot say..??